I haven’t been blogging a lot lately. And it’s the usual excuses.
However, there’s been a topic on my mind for some time and I’m hoping others can benefit from the hours I’ve spent pondering it. I’m hoping I can benefit from getting all of my thoughts out onto the page.
When my baby cries, or even whines, I have a deep, strong impulse to respond immediately. Maybe it’s hormones, maybe it’s the fact that I’m his mama who loves him and wants him to be happy. There are times I think I would do anything to make that crying or whining cease.
The problem is, my anxiousness to make him happy isn’t always a good thing. In fact, at a year and a half old, it’s beginning to be rarely a good thing. He demands a piece of chocolate and I would love nothing more than to give it to him and to enjoy the four seconds of silence that ensue while he chews. And then he’ll demand another. He’ll cry because he’s tired and he’ll cry because my eight months pregnant body just can’t bear to hold his 25 pounds all day long. These are all problems that I can’t fix and requests that I simply can’t fulfill. Because I love him, I can’t give him chocolate for breakfast. So I must listen to the whining which I detest so much.
For these reasons, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to teach myself how to not be so affected by his cries and his whining. Yes, this sounds cruel, cold and calculating. It seems, to an outsider, like I’m attempting to put my own comfort before his needs. But that’s the thing, they aren’t needs. We spend plenty of our day cuddling and reading stories and laughing and playing with trucks. He has all the healthy food he could eat. He gets plenty of rest. When he whines, it’s for an irrational reason. So, I need to listen to that whining, acknowledge that it’s irrational and respond rationally.
This all becomes a lot harder when you’re tired or hungry or have insane back pain. My reason is weakened and I want to respond irrationally. But I know I shouldn’t. A banana will always be a more loving choice than the Lucky Charms he’s pointing to. As his mother, it’s my responsibility to make good choices for him when he doesn’t have the capacity to make them for himself.
I know I’m new to parenting and this might all sound really obvious to the rest of the world. I am completely fine being humbled and acknowledging ignorance. The French have a parenting expression: C’est moi qui decide (It is me who decides). The parent must be the boss. The mama is the mature, rational person in the mama/ baby relationship. She is the one who must rely on reason and not her emotions to parent her child. It is surprisingly difficult to tell the difference sometimes!
